Duty or Love?

I left my heart in Brasilia. Simple as that. The city's just absolutely lovely and filled with history. Everytime I go to DC, I always get this chill down my spine because people years ago stood where I stood, declaring independence, signing important documents and all that. I actually felt a stronger connection in Brasilia than I did in DC, and I think it's because I'm connected to the city's history. After all, I am Brazilian. But it was just amazing. The city's dedicated to two people. Don Bosco, the priest who had a very precise latitude-longitude vision of Brasilia, so much so that the land he had envisioned is still to this day owned by the Vatican. And President Juscelino Kubitschek, who ordered Brasilia to be designed to be the famous plane-like shape it is today and dedicated his life to 3 things: bettering Brazil, his Jacqueline Kennedy-like wife Sarah Kubitschek, and his mistresses. Sad, but true.

But that's not what I meant when I said I left my heart in Brasilia. It is, but it's not the only reason. In the four short days I was there, I actually managed to fall in love. And not just lust--paixao, something fleeting like that. I mean, LOVE. I fell in love with someone who's wonderful, and it killed me to leave him. Now, I'm a pretty level headed person. I know the difference between like, lust and love. I've had my heart broken and my hopes dashed more times than I can count so therefore I guard my heart with the utmost intensity. I'm not a fool. I'm just a hopeless romantic who was slightly beginning to lose hope in love. I started this blog, really, in hopes of also inspiring me to start believing in love like I used to. And it worked. I didn't think I would actually really be capable of falling in love after having my heart be so seriously damaged and me be so incredibly jaded in me finding love, that I thought maybe God wanted me to be an example of what not to do for others to be able to find love without making the giant mistakes I've made. And I would've been incredibly satisfied. I feel like I'm meant to help others in some way, shape or form.

But I fell in love. And he's everything I have ever wanted and asked God for. He works for the Brazilian Government as a federal agent. He's kind, caring, loving, and solid, something EVERY girl needs. Solid. And yes, we do live in continents apart! But to be honest, this was what I needed for reasons previously stated. I needed to get out of that funk, a jolt to the heart to get it to kickstart and beat again. To understand that just because I've had lots of rotten luck with love in the past, it's exactly what it is, no longer part of my future. But I guess a little heartbreak is inevitable once you find happiness--one of the major downfalls of having dual citizenship is not knowing where you really belong. So conscientiously, I know I have to return home to the US. My life, my work, my family, my friends are all in the US. My mentality is that of an American citizen. But my blood, heart and soul will eternally be Brazilian. How do I leave the country I love so much and the man I've fallen completely and hopelessly for? How do I say goodbye? I write this in the flight back to Sao Paulo to catch a connect flight and go home. And I would've given anything to stay. Anything. And yet how do I give up a life in the country I've called home most of my life to live in a a country that I've learned, after four days, is as strange to me as any other country in the world? The eternal question: do I stay or do I go? Do I choose duty--to family, work, and comfort--or do I choose love?

On a completely different note, I'd just like to say that the Brazilian people love their Cokes way too much. I don't think they appreciate a good Acerola juice. Man, it's DELICIOUS!!

A part of you has grown in me.
And so you see, it's you and me
Together forever and never apart,
Maybe in distance, but never in heart. - Anonymous